Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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