Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
