i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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