nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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