what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
