I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i'm inner monologue high
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
