Cold hands, warm shart.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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