its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
