why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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