so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
