Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Randomize
