why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
