last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love you.
Bad choice
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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