he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
