I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
