i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
there is glitter all over my balls
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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