i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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