Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
