Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
