So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
