wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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