You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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