I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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