I wish I could teleport
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just tell him i said nine months
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize