From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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