It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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