I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
