when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
