You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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