another moral hangover. fuck.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
