Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
