Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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