mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
