I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
