in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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