I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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