I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize