hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
