We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
