I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize