That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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