Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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