why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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