Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
