woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
