I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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