I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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