just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
