You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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