Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
