Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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