Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
