Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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