The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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