Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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