i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
