I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the raccoons are back...
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