WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
