I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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