So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
