I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They have beer where we have blood.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
