dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
