fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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