You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize