How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
