My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
