he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
