and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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