Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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