She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
