The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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