question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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