would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
