You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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