just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
