a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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