Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
