shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The power of my boobs compel you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
