omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
