so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
