i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
