the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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