I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
