New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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