does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
