So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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