i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
