maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
