You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
