please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
